People seem to be asking me all the time what our short list is for names. This is reasonable, as it is often one of the first questions that I ask pregnant women. It is a question that is usually considered "safe" territory (unlike personal medical questions like, "Have you been constipated?"). However, about a month ago the hubs and I decided that we are no longer going to share our thoughts on names with other people. It is going to be our little secret until baby is born.
We had some unfortunate reactions to some names that we really loved, that have unfortunately soured those names. We also got some unwanted feedback about names that we are still considering. Many of the names that we have discussed evoke very strong emotions and reactions because we want something that, while it is recognizable, is still unique. Some reactions we have gotten to names that we suggested were "That sounds like a dog's name." "What, are you having a black baby now?" "That sounds like a nerd." "Are you naming your child after that character from Lost?" While some of these reactions were enlightening (no, I would not name my child after a character from the show Lost, and I don't want people to think that I would do that, so that name went out the window), other reactions were kind of hurtful. For example, after telling my dad what we had chosen as possible names, he said "Well, you have a long time to reconsider." He then showed up at our house a couple of weeks later with a "gift" of baby name books so we could choose different names. We went through those books, decided that most of the names were dreadful, and went right back to our original list of names that we loved with the reassurance that we had chosen well when we went through the baby name books that we had purchased and combed through during the 5 months we were trying to get pregnant.
I don't really care that my dad doesn't like the names we chose. He was the one who named me Sara. Growing up with the name Sara, I got tired of having the same name as everyone else (also, everyone assumes that they know how to spell my name because it is simple - I cannot even count the times that someone sends me an email with the salutation, "Hello Sarah" even though my name is signed in the email that I sent to them and is a part of my email address). I was once on a soccer team of 12. 5 of us were named Sara/Sarah, and 6 were named Emily. It made for a very confusing soccer game (first graders aren't the most organized soccer players anyway, so everyone having the same name didn't help).
When I got to college I became friends with someone named Brittany. She lived in the Brittany suite, a suite containing 4 girls, all named Brittany (I think they may have all 4 spelled their names differently). The Brittany suite happened to be located on the Brittany floor. Apparently, the people responsible for assigning dorm housing got bored part way through their task and thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if..." I also had several Katie friends/roommates in high school and college, so whenever I tell the hubs stories I try to specify which Katie; not that he can keep them all straight in his mind, anyway (we have Cheerleader Katie, Roommate/LA Katie, Katie with the babies, and Katie gone wild). This creates many confusing conversations. Also, a relative of ours just started dating a Sara, so now when we are having conversations about her she is "The other Sara." While I am glad I am the original Sara, I have been referred to as "The other Sara" before. In fact, the hub's closest friend from childhood married a Sara, so now she and I together are the Sara's (which I think is cute coming from the two of them, but would annoy the heck out of me coming from anyone else).
When I got to grad school there were 3 Sara's in my class of 30 students. We differentiated ourselves based on the first letter of our last name. However, within 2 years of starting graduate school we were all married with different last names, transforming us from Sara W., Sara V., and Sara H. into Sara S., Sara F., and Sara V. respectively. This becomes confusing, however, because sometimes people refer to me as Sara V (since I am now Sara V and no longer Sara H) and sometimes people refer to Sara F as Sara V (since she was formerly Sara V).
Another hazard of having the same name as everyone else is unflattering descriptors. While it would be wonderful to be known as "Beautiful so-and-so," often the adjective points out a flaw. The department that my husband used to work in contained two Petra's (while not a common name in America, it is common in Germany, where both women came from). One Petra became "Crazy Petra," and the other Petra became "Frizzy Petra." If someone has a unique name then they don't have to worry about the use of adjectives to differentiate them from everyone else since they are already differentiated.
All that being said, it becomes clear that I don't want my child to have the same name as everyone else (aka if the name is in the top 100 our child will not have that name. I had a very similar rule when Keith and I were trying to come up with a first dance song for our wedding reception: if it is popular enough of a song that it has been played on Delilah, then it isn't going to be our song). I also don't want my child to have a weird name because, while adjectives used to describe a people with the same name can be unflattering, having a weird name can be horrible as well. I also am not going to pick the most obscure spelling for the name we choose. While I realize that this may add flare to a name and some people like doing this, I also realize it can make it difficult for that child as they grow and no one can figure out how to spell their name. We are taking into consideration that the initials don't spell a bad or funny word, and we are trying to come up with any taunting nicknames that a 4th grader may develop in order to keep our child from ridicule. We have thought this through.
When we announce the name after the baby is born, people are either going to love it or hate it. But I have a feeling that the worst reaction we are going to get is, "Oh" with a forced smile. After the name has been given to a baby, people feel less at liberty to freely offer their opinion. And eventually, even in those who hate the name, they will come to think of our baby as having that name and it won't seem weird anymore. Have you ever noticed that even when someone has a weird name, one even that you don't like, you get to know that person, they embody the name, and you get to the point where you can't think of them as having another name? Well, whatever we decide that will eventually happen, so I am not going to worry about this anymore.
So if you have advice for me, I have one response: no, thank you. While it may sound rude, I have gotten enough advice and I am done listening to it. Also, I want to offer sincere apologies if I have ever commented about someone else's name choice. I try to make sure that I don't do that because to each his own, but if I have been rude to anyone in any way, I am sorry. I now know how it feels. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
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