I realize that my baby is a grumpy little monster (read as a term of endearment) almost daily. I also realize that she probably falls in the bottom 1-2% for sleep quality for babies her age. I talk about this pretty often on my facebook status updates and blog because that is what happens to be going on in my life. I live in a city where the only person that I know is my husband, and I spend my days with a tiny human who communicates by grunting and crying and a small dog who has decided as of late that the most effective way to get my attention is by trying to lick my face (it is pretty effective - just try to ignore it; it won't work). My life is currently comprised of trying to make Queen Gwen and the Royal Hound Simba happy all day.
Every once in a while I get a chance to communicate with the outside world, and from those infrequent communications I have discovered the least helpful advice that exists: "You really need to fix that." To give you an idea of a situation in which I have received this advice (several times), see the conversation that follows:
Advice Guru: How many times did Gwen wake up last night?
Me: I lost count. Maybe 8 or 9.
AG: Did she have any long stretches of sleep?
Me: One stretch was almost 2 hours.
AG: You really need to fix that.
At this point in the conversation, I generally think of several snarky responses, all of which I am too polite to say. Oh, but I really enjoy waking up hourly! I hope that she keeps this up until she goes away to college. Or I haven't thought of that! You mean, all I have to do is fix it and then she will sleep? Or Why don't I just drop her off at your house? You sound like you are so full of answers that I am pretty sure that you can have it fixed by tomorrow!
The second least helpful thing you can say to me is, "well, at least she is healthy! You should count your blessings!" Note: I am thankful that my baby is healthy. I thank God for that all the time. But please don't discount that it can be difficult to raise a healthy baby too. Yesterday, at Gymboree, I was talking to the leader about how Gwen had been crying for the 2 hours leading up to class. Later, she was talking about how she just got back from a humanitarian trip to Russia and about the attachment issues the babies in the orphanages there have. Later, when Gwen started crying again and I said something about how I'm just biding my time until she can crawl because right now she cries for my help when she wants a toy that she can't reach (and, yes, I realize that crawling probably won't take away her grumpiness, but a girl can hope, right?), and the leader said, "At least you know she is attached!" This really rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like a slap in the face followed by, "You ungrateful fool!"
I never compared Gwen to Russian orphans; I know her grumpiness and my lack of sleep are first world problems. I also try my best to not compare her to the less grumpy babies around her, as that doesn't do anyone any good. I just try to focus on my own child. And sometimes being around her kind of sucks. I have come to terms with that. It doesn't mean I love her any less. In fact, sitting with her and trying to cuddle the monster out of her for several hours a day has maybe makes me love her a little more.
Sometimes I vent, and I really appreciate supportive friends and family who come up beside me and say, "Wow. That stinks. I hope things get better soon." That is helpful and very much appreciated.
Every once in a while I get a chance to communicate with the outside world, and from those infrequent communications I have discovered the least helpful advice that exists: "You really need to fix that." To give you an idea of a situation in which I have received this advice (several times), see the conversation that follows:
Advice Guru: How many times did Gwen wake up last night?
Me: I lost count. Maybe 8 or 9.
AG: Did she have any long stretches of sleep?
Me: One stretch was almost 2 hours.
AG: You really need to fix that.
At this point in the conversation, I generally think of several snarky responses, all of which I am too polite to say. Oh, but I really enjoy waking up hourly! I hope that she keeps this up until she goes away to college. Or I haven't thought of that! You mean, all I have to do is fix it and then she will sleep? Or Why don't I just drop her off at your house? You sound like you are so full of answers that I am pretty sure that you can have it fixed by tomorrow!
The second least helpful thing you can say to me is, "well, at least she is healthy! You should count your blessings!" Note: I am thankful that my baby is healthy. I thank God for that all the time. But please don't discount that it can be difficult to raise a healthy baby too. Yesterday, at Gymboree, I was talking to the leader about how Gwen had been crying for the 2 hours leading up to class. Later, she was talking about how she just got back from a humanitarian trip to Russia and about the attachment issues the babies in the orphanages there have. Later, when Gwen started crying again and I said something about how I'm just biding my time until she can crawl because right now she cries for my help when she wants a toy that she can't reach (and, yes, I realize that crawling probably won't take away her grumpiness, but a girl can hope, right?), and the leader said, "At least you know she is attached!" This really rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like a slap in the face followed by, "You ungrateful fool!"
I never compared Gwen to Russian orphans; I know her grumpiness and my lack of sleep are first world problems. I also try my best to not compare her to the less grumpy babies around her, as that doesn't do anyone any good. I just try to focus on my own child. And sometimes being around her kind of sucks. I have come to terms with that. It doesn't mean I love her any less. In fact, sitting with her and trying to cuddle the monster out of her for several hours a day has maybe makes me love her a little more.
Sometimes I vent, and I really appreciate supportive friends and family who come up beside me and say, "Wow. That stinks. I hope things get better soon." That is helpful and very much appreciated.
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