Pelvic Rest

I have been hemming and hawing about writing this post for months.  Why?  Because we will be talking about S-E-X.  It is kind of an embarrassing subject (this from the person who wrote about the most painful poop ever when I was in my first trimester), so I have avoided it for a while.  But I think it is a super important, neglected post-pregnancy subject.

The doctor told me to take 6 weeks of pelvic rest.  I went to the doctor after 6 weeks, everything checked out, and I was cleared to stop my pelvic rest.  He was kind of hilarious about the way that he cleared me.  He said, "Everything has healed up okay, so you are cleared for intercourse.  However, you can tell your husband whatever you want."

Cool!  I had been cleared by the doctor.  I was all healed up and ready to go!  So I told Keith what the doctor had told me and we decided to give it a go.  I was very surprised to be met with some of the worst pain of my life.  Sex hurt more than childbirth (I had an epidural for childbirth, and it took really well so I only felt a little bit of pressure near the end of birth; I didn't have an epidural for this, however).  It literally felt like my insides were being ripped open, I started crying because it hurt so bad, and we had to stop.  In fact, it hurt so bad that we didn't actually really do the deed until 12 weeks after Gwen was born.

I started asking around.  I had only had a first degree tear, so the logical part of me figured it wasn't a healing problem.  But I was worried that I was horribly and irreversibly marred and that I needed to go to the doctor ASAP.  I might as well ask some girl friends before jumping the gun.  And you know what I found out?  It was amazingly painful for everyone (note: I didn't ask anyone who had a c-section, so I can't speak to that).  I was told that I just had to tough it out for a month or so and then things would get back to normal.  Why hadn't anyone ever told me?!?!?!  Well, that is the reason that I am writing this now because at least this will be out there, and other first time mommies will know what is coming.

But, unfortunately, the problem has been worse for me than for the average mommy.  Gwen is almost 10 months old and things still hurt.  This is pain that is usually reserved for women with 4th degree tears.  But apparently my hormones (from breastfeeding) have caused connective tissue changes in the va-jay-jay region and weak connective tissue can lead to pain.  At my annual appointment, I asked the doctor (when Gwen was 6 months old) if there was anything I could do to reduce pain.  He said that they can do hormone injections, but that is usually reserved for women who have bleeding and tearing with intercourse.  Well, at least I don't have it that bad.  He told me that when I wean Gwen things should go back to normal.  Thankfully, it doesn't hurt as bad as it did 6 months ago, but it is no walk in the park.

So now I have finally shared this somewhat embarrassing piece of information.  I hope that it is helpful to some other mommies out there and that you aren't blind-sided like I was.

Teething for the first time again

I've got to be honest: I've kind of felt a little bit inept over the last several months regarding one key issue in raising my baby.  That is teething.  I thought she was teething when she was 4 months old.  Then I was so confident that she was teething when she was 5 months old that I went out and bought orajel and motrin (in all fairness, I could see her top teeth through her gums at her gum/lip junction, and had no idea that it takes several months for teeth to move the distance from that junction to going through the gums).  Then when we were moving, when she was 6 months old I thought she was teething again.  She not only fooled me, but she fooled my in-laws, who babysat her for us one night, as well.  I took a month off from thinking she was teething when she was 7 months old because I decided I would stop trying to guess if she was teething; I had been wrong at 4, 5, and 6 months, after all.  But when she was 8 months old she got super grumpy and I thought, for sure, that she was teething.  I even said to my parents and in-laws, "I know that I have said it several times before, but I really think she is teething this time."  My mother-in-law said, "Sure Sara..." having heard it all before.  My mother-in-law was right; Gwen was just getting a cold.

Now Gwen is 9 months old, and this time I really do think that she is teething.  Yeah, I know I've said this before, but she is super irritable.  I don't think she is getting sick because she just got over a cold this weekend.  But maybe she is just being Gwen, and being Gwen means that you act like a teething little monster all the time (note: I mean monster in the most affectionate way possible.  I love my little monster).

The moral of this story is that it is super difficult to guess when a baby is teething.  And yes, I felt inept...until I joined a moms group and found out that everyone else was doing the exact same thing.  Essentially what I discovered, after doing an informal poll, is that the only people who correctly guessed that their child was teething the first time were those people who had children who sprouted first teeth early (around 4 months).  Everyone who had normal or late bloomers (Gwen being a toothless, 9-month-old late bloomer), in regards to teething, incorrectly assumed their child was teething for several months before teeth came in.  Anytime baby got a runny nose or had an extraordinarily fussy day, baby was getting teeth.  And it wasn't until their baby actually got teeth that they said, "Oh, this is what teething is like!"  It's one of those things that you apparently anticipate greatly, and once it happens you understand.  There isn't a good way to prepare (aside from having pain meds and teething rings on hand for when the time comes) because it is different for all babies.

So I think Gwen is teething.  For real this time.  But I thought it was for real each time before.  So we will just have to wait and see.  I think that wishing for teething is just hopeful thinking because you like to think that your child's fussiness is for some greater purpose and isn't just a bad day.

Hello Matt Lauer

I found myself wide awake at 2am daydreaming.  Or night dreaming.  What do you call daydreaming when you do it in the middle of the night?  I was imagining that I wrote a book called "Mommy R.D."  In my daydream, writing the book was easy; I was mostly just editing former blog entries (even in my daydream I realized that I needed to do more than the lazy one draft that I usually do for a blog entry).  I also came up with some other new ideas for blog posts: I would have to talk about my health and eating growing up, what led me to pursue education in dietetics, more discussion about breastfeeding, the struggles that we have had introducing solid foods, and I would, of course, follow Gwen into toddlerhood with both her journey and my journey to eat healthy foods.  Throughout this journey I would lose 20 pounds and would exercise an hour each day, so I would have a wonderful dust jacket author photo and would be able to show other mommies that it is possible to be a healthy mommy.  Just before I went back to sleep, I had my imaginary interview on Good Morning America*.  Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie asked me about my inspiration and thanked me for my wonderful contributions to the diet and child rearing literary community.

*Based on some quick internet research that I just performed, I now know that Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie are not, in fact, on Good Morning America, but are on the Today show.  But I would be willing to meet with Matt and Savannah on the Today Show, or to go onto Good Morning America and talk to whoever is on there.  I think I would prefer the Today Show because then I could do the weather with Al Roker, which is pretty awewome.

Meeting Mommies

I am making progress in my journey to make friends.  I don't think I have any friends in Pittsburgh yet, per se, but I have acquaintances now.  This is due to two groups in which Gwen and I have recently become members.

First, we joined Gymboree.  This was key.  First of all, we have an unlimited membership so we are able to go to a class or open gym at least once daily (except for Sundays when they are closed).  I have met several mommies there, Gwen has grown leaps and bounds in her abilities from watching other kids, and she has had the chance to interact with other kids, which she had never really done before.  She has gotten so good at her milestones that she is in the level 3 class even though she is still, technically, a month too young (yes, I am bragging because I am proud of my little girl).  We have only been doing Gymboree for a month and a half and in that time Gwen went from being a non-crawler to a near-walker.  The negative of Gymboree: Gwen is suffering her second cold in as many weeks.  I guess she was going to be exposed to germs at some point, and at least she is building up her immune system now without missing any days of school.

Our second group that we have joined is the Mt Lebanon Moms Network.  I found this organization through a website called meetup.  If you are looking for friends who have similar interests as you, I suggest looking on meetup.  I joined meetup, joined the MLMN, and now there is at least one activity daily that Gwen and I can go to.  It is mostly made up of stay at home moms who also wanted to get out of the house at least once daily so they don't go crazy.

I found out through my discussions with many of these moms that several have also recently moved to Pittsburgh and have joined one or both of these groups to meet other moms.  I'm not alone!

Here is how I know that I am making progress in making acquaintances: last night while grocery shopping Gwen heard another baby babbling and decided to mimic her sounds.  I said, "Are you talking to another baby," and when I looked up to see the baby she was talking to I realized it was a baby from her Gymboree class.  Unfortunately, I couldn't remember the name of the baby's mom, for the life of me, but now you can be sure I won't forget it again.  Then today we went to baby story time at the library.  I saw two people from the MLMN and two people from Gymboree!  Not only did I see people from both groups, but one mom from MLMN is thinking about joining Gymboree and did a free class yesterday meeting one of the Gymboree moms who was at the library this morning, so my two Pittsburghian worlds collided.  There actually seems to be quite a bit of MLMN/Gymboree overlap.  The Gymboree moms hear about MLMN through the current MLMN members, and the MLMN members who are not Gymboree members are looking for indoor activities now that it is getting colder out (colder being 65 degrees...they seem to be planning ahead).

I am hoping that soon I will be able to make the transition from recognizing people out in public when I happen to run into them to arranging to get together with people on purpose.  I will keep you posted with my progress as well as any other ideas that I discover for making friends as a grown-up.

*Note: When trying to make friends with other moms, don't try typing "dating moms" into google.  You will not find what you are looking for.

Gwen: The Yogic Master

I think that Gwen has taken up Yoga in her spare time.  Yes, I was aware that when babies learn new skills they like to practice said skill all the time.  But she won't even turn it off for meal time (and for anyone who knows her, they know that meal time is her favorite time)!

The easiest position to put G in to nurse her is laying down.  She can either lay next to me or lay across my lap.  We have been working on this position since she was just born and did not have the ability to do anything but lay down.  However, now that she has learned new skills, like "sit," and "kneel," and "stand," she gets a little bit bored with the same old same old.

This is now how breastfeeding goes at bed or nap times:
1. Lay down in bed.
2. Gwen crawls toward me in bed (since she is a milk seeking missile) with her mouth open, ready to eat.
3. Gwen tries to latch on, but misses.  While she is becoming pretty good at crawling, her aim is not so great.
4. Reposition her so she is lying down next to me (translated: force her to lay down against her will) - it has to be more comfortable so I figure she will be happier and better able to eat.
5. She stays in that position for exactly 4.78 seconds until she realizes that if she rolls just slightly to the side she can get her knees underneath her.
6. Moves so she is on her hands and knees, making sure to bite down so she doesn't lose hold of the milk supply (I'm very thankful that she doesn't have teeth yet, and am trying to lay down the law now that she is just biting me with gums by telling her "no!" so it doesn't escalate to her biting me with teeth).
7. Realizes that being on her hands and knees is halfway to sitting, so she tries to spin around on her bottom, still biting down so as not to lose her precious fuel supply.
8. Content to sit and eat for a while.  However, I think her neck gets tired because after about 5-10 seconds, she lays her head down on me so she doesn't have to support its weight.  She does have a pretty big head.  If my neck were that small I don't think it could support a head that big.
9. Realizes that standing is way better than sitting.
10. Manages to get her feet under her body, once again, without letting go of the milk supply.
11. Stands up.  However, I refuse to give in to her constantly changing positions, so I stay laying.  This means that she can stand, but she has to bend over to eat.
12. She happily obliges to this awkward position until, once again, her head gets to heavy and she tries to lay it down on my body.
13. She eventually falls over from the sheer exhaustion of hauling around her gigantic head.*
14. Repeat

*Her head really is huge.  The last time we went to the doctor her head was in the 95th percentile.  That means that her head is larger than 19 out of every 20 babies her age that she passes on the street.  While she is also chunky, which presents its own problems with fitting clothes on her body, usually the first clothing fit problem is that her head won't go through the neck hole. 

My thoughts on Natural and Alternative Medicine

This post may get a lot of people in a tizzy.  The reason for this is that if you care anything about natural and alternative treatments, you generally fall into one of two camps: those who love it and those who hate it.  I am one of the few who falls somewhere in the middle.  I am not gung-ho western medicine (much to the confusion of my physician husband; as an anesthesiologist in training he was quite puzzled when I wanted a natural childbirth), and I embrace a few alternative treatments.  I am willing to do the research when I hear about something new and give it a try.

I have been thinking quite a bit about natural and alternative medical treatments for the past couple of days.  Why?  Because I think Gwen is teething (notice I say "think;"  I thought she was teething several times since she was 4 months old, however, if the fever, rosy cheeks, need to constantly cuddle, excessive napping, general fussiness, and incessant chewing are any indication, she is teething this time).  She looks like she feels awful, and I, of course, want to do whatever I can do to relieve her pain.

I have gotten quite a bit of advice each time I thought Gwen was teething: tylenol, motrin, gum massage, cold teething rings, sophie the giraffe, orajel, hylands teething tabs, baltic amber necklace, chew beads, teething bling...the list goes on and on.

I have a very unique background when it comes to evaluating this advice.  I have a degree in biology.  I am married to a doctor and had a short stint in medical school myself.  I have a couple of years of graduate training in immunology, so I understand what is taking place within her immune system.  I also have 3 years of graduate training in medical dietetics with an emphasis in supplements (I took a supplements course and I am currently stalled in writing my thesis on supplement use because of a certain teething little girl).

I tend to see any medical treatment as falling into 3 categories: 1.) it could hurt you, 2.) it might not help you but won't hurt you, and 3.) it should help you and shouldn't hurt you.  None of these are absolutes.  For example, sometimes drugs are released to the market (I am talking about FDA approved western medicines), and we find out once a large portion of the population takes them that they are harmful to certain subsets.  The background studies didn't have sufficient numbers to discover that the drugs were harmful.  However, when a traditional pharmaceutical is found to be harmful to certain individuals, it either is pulled from the market or is required to provide a warning against its use in certain circumstances.  We have another safeguard with pharmaceuticals: they require a prescription from a physician who has received many years of training and who, likely, is keeping up with the current medication warnings.

Now for natural treatments: I hear so many people talk about how natural medicine is safe and wonderful.   It kind of gives you an ooey gooey feeling to hear about it.  However, natural substances can be some of the most dangerous.  For one thing, you can obtain them yourself, in any quantity you wish, without any formal training on how to use them (or even if you should use them).  Secondly, natural does not mean safe.  Example?  How about arsenic?  It is all natural.  But it is also toxic.  I don't hear people running around talking about it as a natural medicine because I think we would all agree that would be foolhardy.  But many natural treatments can be just as harmful, and even deadly.  And before you say, "I wouldn't take arsenic.  I just take some herbals and vitamins," I want to let you know that those substances are not innocuous either.  For example, in the world of vitamins, there is something called the UL, or the tolerable upper limit.  This is the amount that it is estimated that you can take at which 97% of the population will not feel ill effect.  However, 3% may still have problems at this dose, and if you exceed that amount the percentage of people who will suffer problems also climbs.  If you overdose on Vitamin C, you might just get some tummy cramps and diarrhea.  If you overdose on Vitamin A and have a history of smoking, it might increase your risk of lung cancer and death.  If you overdose on water soluble vitamins, you will likely just pee them out (for the most part), but if you overdose on fat soluble vitamins you store them in your fat and might take so much that you die.  And people take multivitamins and single vitamin formulations thinking that they are doing their body good.

Let's talk about western medicine now.  One of the great things about western medicine is that we manufacture them.  This flies in the face of the natural movement.  Why would you want to put something manmade into your body?  There are some very good reasons.  Men can make molecules that are specific and pure.  If you have a problem in your body, you need a specific molecule to target that problem.  Purity is a friend to the ill as well.  When you have a pure substance you know exactly how much you are taking and you know that that is all you are taking.  The pure molecule is able to target the problem without introducing several other substances into your body.  A very real problem with natural substances is that you can only obtain pure ingredients via manmade methods.  If you go out and use a root or a leaf from a plant you might get a plethora of active ingredients.  These molecules may work together for good, or they may cause side effects (and before you get on me for being biased, yes western medicines have side effects as well: one molecule may act on several pathways, or may cause a signaling cascade that results in untoward symptoms).

There are several natural and alternative therapies for which I think there is quite a bit of evidence and for which I fully support the use.  For example, melatonin does appear to be helpful for people who are having trouble regulating sleep.  You need to be careful of how much you take (too much of a good thing can be a bad thing), and if you have any medical conditions you should check with your doctor before use, but it can be a useful tool.  It can be especially useful in children with autism and adults with Huntington's Disease, who often have trouble sleeping.  Cinnamon has been shown in studies to be effective in blood sugar regulation.  A therapy for which there is extensive evidence and for which I have a great deal of respect is accupuncture.  In fact, I am going to try it soon in an attempt to rid myself of migraine headaches, for which I currently take a combination of acetaminophen, caffeine, and a barbiturate (note: while I have great respect for accupuncture, I cannot say the same of traditional chinese medicine herbal supplements: they have been demonstrated to often be contaminated with harmful heavy metals that are toxic to the body).  But if you decide to use alternative treatments, first seek medical advice.  It will do you no good if you take something at the wrong dose or in the wrong way, thus negating its usefulness or making it harmful.

Then there is the category of probably won't help but it won't hurt.  And this is the reason that I am writing this post.  When I was looking into teething treatments, I stumbled upon many things that made me question what I believed regarding therapy in my baby.  I am much pickier about what I will give to her compared with what I will try.  For example, I took fenugreek to increase breastmilk production.  I realize that there is little data to support its effectiveness (aside from anecdotes from mother's who say they successfully increased milk production, but anecdotal data is the weakest form of data), but I also know that a problem within the supplements industry is that there is very little incentive to perform studies to gain evidence.  The reason pharmaceutical studies occur is because there is big incentive in the form of a big pay out in the end if the drug goes to market.  Supplements are already on the market and each formulation is sold by several companies, so if one company puts in the time and money for a study, they will likely never make back enough money to make up for it.  So I took Fenugreek.  I think it was effective, but I am an n of 1 and you need 3 in the experimental group and 3 in the control group if you ever hope to reach statistical significance.

Another reason I was hesitant to try supplements in Gwen is that pharmaceuticals have to be demonstrated to be safe in order to be approved by the FDA.  Supplements have to be demonstrated to be unsafe in order to be pulled from the market.  They are not FDA approved and it is very difficult to get them pulled from the market because it is very difficult in a complex world to show that it was the supplement that harmed someone, and that is even if people report an adverse event to the right government agency.

As for dosing Gwen with something, I am all for giving her tylenol and motrin.  I know that at the doses at which I am giving her these medications her liver (tylenol) and kidneys (motrin) are able to metabolize the drugs (tangent: speaking of the liver and the kidneys, your body can detox itself.  It doesn't need help from a juice fast or any other detox beverage or pill.  God made your body so it could detox itself.  If he hadn't done that, we would have all died long ago.  So save your money and skip the detox drinks.  You are just making yourself some expensive urine.  Tangent over).  Plus, the tylenol and motrin work.  I can see a marked difference in her pre- and post-medicine.  I tried orajel on her, and it doesn't work very well (I tested it on myself and it didn't work well and wore off in less than 10 minutes, so I decided it is not worth introducing this pain med into her tiny little system).  As for Hyland's teething tablets, I really wanted to use them - I had several friends swear by them.  But I didn't feel right about it.  Our pediatrician also advised against them.  They are not FDA approved, they may contain varying amounts of the active ingredients (in fact, Hyland's has been pulled from the shelves before for this very reason).  Also, some of the active ingredients (belladonna, for example) can be toxic.  So I decided not to give it to my little baby.  The one saving grace of this drug is that it is a homeopathic treatment, and one of the central tenets of homeopathy is that the more dilute the active ingredients are the more effective they will be (does this make sense to anyone else????  The other major tenet of homeopathy is like cures like.  The example given from the Hyland's website is that if you had watery eyes you might use onion to treat it because onions make your eyes water when you cut them.  Once again, does this make sense to anyone else????).  While this doesn't make sense to me, it at least means that belladonna is likely in such low quantities that it will not harm little ones.  So if you decided to give it to your baby, I am not judging you and I am sure your baby will be fine.  I just decided not to give it to my baby.

The things that I decided to try, aside from pharmaceuticals, is jewelry.  Two jewelry items that I have are to make me fashionable and to provide Gwen a chewing surface.  These are my teething bling necklace and my chew beads bracelet.  They are both baby safe, dishwasher safe, bpa free silicone.  She loves them.  And I really like them too.  (I know these aren't alternative treatments, I just really like my teething jewelry and wanted to talk about it).  With teething jewelry, I always have something with me that she can chew on, if need be.  Plus, she would much rather chew on something she shouldn't chew on (like my jewelry), than something she should chew on (like a cool teething ring), so I figure I can trick her with teething jewelry.  The third piece of jewelry that I bought is a baltic amber necklace for Gwen.  Supposedly, amber oil gets in through the skin from wearing the necklace and is anti-inflammatory.  While there isn't evidence to support this, I figured it wouldn't hurt her (there is a breakaway clasp if she gets it caught on something to prevent strangulation, and a knot between each bead so if the string breaks she won't choke on the stones), plus she gets to wear a necklace, which is pretty awesome and kind of makes her look like a flower child.  Best case scenario?  It works by some unknown mechanism and makes my baby feel better.  Worst case scenario?  I wasted $22 on something that doesn't work, but have still provided Gwen with a pretty snazzy necklace.  Like I said, this falls under the category of might not help, but won't hurt.

Moral of the story: Get educated.  Avoid things that harm, embrace things that work, and don't sweat the things that might not work but won't hurt you.

Gwen Apparently Didn't Get the Memo

Today is my birthday.  I am 28 years old.  Keith gave me a very wonderful day.  While I love my little baby girl, I don't think she got the memo that today is my birthday.  Or at least she didn't act like it.

I had a few very simple requests for my birthday.  1.) A pair of boots that match both brown and black clothes (so I only need 1 pair) that are flat so I don't trip when carrying Gwen. 2.) Sleep. 3.) Alone time to be crafty.  4.) Attend the Pittsburgh Irish Festival.

I, however, am not even very good at shutting off mommyhood for my birthday wishes.  Yes, I wanted craft time.  But what was I going to do with my craft time?  I was planning on busting out my sewing machine and sewing baby slings so I can have my hands free more of the day when carrying Gwen around the house.  Gwen and I currently only have 1 functional sling since I managed to misplace the other one during our move.  This means that if it gets dirty in any way (and let's face it: it will get dirty) we are down to zero baby slings, and that simply will not do.

Here is how things went down today:

1.) Boots: Keith got me super fabulous boots.  I picked out the pair that I loved from Macy's about a week ago.  Keith stayed home with Gwen last week while I went to the mall to get the boots.  Gwen did not like this, unfortunately, and screamed the entire 30 minutes I was away.  But she recovered, Keith somewhat recovered, and I got some pretty awesome boots from my pretty awesome hubby.  They were somewhat extravagant boots, so I planned on not getting anything else from Keith for my birthday.  Being pretty awesome, however, he took me shopping yesterday and bought me a blingy sweater that I wanted.  And then he surprised me yet again this morning with a book that I have wanted for about a year (it is called The Disappearing Spoon and tells the history of the world through the framework of the periodic table of elements...I can tell you are all super jealous that I got this book and you don't have it).

2.) Sleep: Gwen did really well sleeping 2 and 3 nights ago.  She had a 5 hour sleep stretch both of those nights (which may not sound great, but I can assure you is fabulous).  She may have woken up just after 4 am both mornings, but you can't have it all.  Last night, however, she didn't get the memo that mommy wanted sleep.  She woke up probably 4 or 5 times - I lose count usually after 3.  Furthermore, she won't go back to sleep for Keith, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night I am on duty.  Keith got up with her when she woke up just after 5 am, but apparently she didn't want daddy this morning.  She wanted mommy.  She tricked Keith into thinking she was sleepy (while she was actually just cranky), and so he brought her back to bed for her nap.  When I woke up to put her down for her nap (once again, she won't fall asleep for Keith) she just wanted to play.  Keith took her away for another 45 minutes, but then she actually was tired...probably from all of the crying she had been doing.  By the time I finally got her to go to sleep for her nap, at 7:40, I was too wound up to go back to sleep, so I read one of my new books while she slept...for 38 minutes.  I guess she decided she wasn't going to sleep today, either.

3.) Craft time: Here is what I accomplished in making her baby slings today: buying fabric.  That's all.  Since Gwen only took a 38 minute nap for nap 1 this morning, she fell asleep on the way to Hobby Lobby.  Since we were already near the store, we decided to get Starbucks and just drive around until she woke back up.  Just over an hour later, she woke up and we went to Hobby Lobby.  Then I decided that she needed some new clothes since she has a giant head and, while many of her clothes still fit her body, I can't get them over her noggin.  We swung by Once Upon a Child and stocked up on 18 month and 2T clothes.  By the time we left there and got into the car to drive home, Gwen decided she needed a third nap.  Nap 3 lasted 33 minutes.  I wanted to go to the Pittsburgh Irish Festival tonight, so by the time she woke up, we walked the dog, ate a quick snack, and it was time to leave.  So no craft time.  But I did wash the fabric, so hopefully I can do some sewing tomorrow when Keith's parents come over for my birthday celebration.

4.)  Festival: While Gwen was quite pleasant while we were walking around the festival (since there were plenty of, shall we call them interesting?, people to observe) she was a little monster in the car the entire way there and the entire way home.  I am sure she is going to have laryngitis tomorrow thanks to both the volume and duration of crying (it took 45 minutes to get to the festival and 45 minutes to drive home).

So my birthday wasn't quite what I pictured.  But Keith did a fabulous job in making it special, and, even though my little monster was temperamental, it was extra special since it was my first birthday being a mom.

Oh good. She's finally quiet...oh, no.

All parents learn that a quiet child does not necessarily equate to a good child.  Kids get quiet when they are concentrating on solving a problem.  As grown-ups, we do the same thing.  However, our problems are things like, how do I get the internet working again, or what spices do I need to add to this dish to make it just right.  For children, when they are solving "problems" they are often getting into mischief.

Gwen has been able to entertain herself much better since she has started crawling and cruising.  She can go get new toys, reach more things (both good and bad), and explore.  When she became mobile, instead of becoming more vigilant, I let my guard down.  I didn't have to anticipate her needs quite so much to keep a peaceful household because she was able now to meet some of her own needs.  Unfortunately, she has used my newfound multitasking to her advantage.

About a week ago, I was ironing clothes in our foyer by the bottom of the stairs.  This may seem like a weird location to iron, but I was able to push the ironing board up against two walls and hide the cord to the iron from little roaming hands.  Gwen was playing on the floor next to me.  She had been pulling herself up on the wrought iron railing for days and would walk along the wall, then place her hands on the second stair and continue her trip across the stair to the other wall.  Keith had to leave soon for work, so I was very focused on ironing so he would have clothes to wear.  I looked up at her, watched her standing on the floor with her hands on the second step.  I ironed a pant leg.  I looked back at my quiet, sweet baby, and she had one knee on the first step, one knee on the second step, and her hands were on the third step.  She was quiet because she was throwing her full focus into climbing the stairs.  She has not tried climbing the steps again because I swept her off of the steps, scaring her.  Hopefully she stays good and scared until we are able to install our lower level gate.

A few of days ago, I set Gwen in her room to play with her stuffed animals while I walked 10 feet down the hall to the bathroom to brush my hair and get a hair tie.  Surely, she couldn't get into trouble that quickly, right?  Wrong.  I noticed, once again, that she was being very quiet.  When I walked into her nursery I found her standing next to a box of kleenex, pulling tissues out one at a time and discarding them on the floor beside her.  Thankfully I caught her when she had only gotten through about 10 or 15.

Two days ago she was extra quiet and extra crafty.  At one point, I was addressing some envelopes when she pulled herself up on the end table.  I noticed that she looked about 6 inches taller than usual, at which point I went to the other side of the table.  She was standing on a box so she could reach more things on the table.  Later, as I was trying to finish addressing envelopes, she snuck behind my chair to the laundry basket of folded clothing.  By the time I finished addressing my envelopes and got up to play with her I had a floor full of unfolded laundry.

So maybe a little crying isn't so bad.  At least when there is noise I know where my child is and what she is doing.

The Hidden Costs of Raising Children

Keith and I entered parenthood knowing full well that it would be expensive.  There are some expenses, like diapers, that are unavoidable.  That is, unless you buy into that new craze of infant potty training, in which case I am sure that your expense is in carpet cleaners rather than diapers.  There are other expenses, like baby gear, which are mostly for your child's enrichment.  Gwen doesn't need a jumperoo, but she liked it and it did buy me about 30 minutes a day for a few months, and that is something on which you can't really put a price tag.  Then there are the completely extravagant purchases.  I try to keep these to a minimum, and I try to be smart about where I make these purchases. For example, I bought Gwen a Calvin Klein jean jacket for this past spring, and I have a Columbia fleece for this coming fall.  However, I made both purchases at TJ Maxx, so it almost doesn't count.  I am still on the lookout for a pair of Uggs.  I saw some at a secondhand store downtown a few days ago, and might need to see if they are still available.

I think I recognized all of these as inevitable expenses that we would experience with Gwen.  But there are several hidden costs that I did not expect.  Here is a list of a few of the hidden costs that Keith and I have encountered in raising a baby:

1. Gas - I remember watching a movie with Keith, before I was pregnant with Gwen, in which the only way the main characters could get their baby to stop crying was by driving.  Keith said, "I would never do that.  That is such a waste of money."  However, we never realized how much our baby would hate napping.  I currently spend about 5-6 hours a week driving Gwen around while she naps.  I try to drive 5-10 under the speed limit to save gas (unfortunately, often annoying other drivers), and I try to pick roads that have lower speed limits.  Sometimes, I drive on the highway because it is the smoothest drive and is the most likely to keep Gwen asleep the longest.  I have discovered that if I drive to the mall I can do loops at 25 mph, and I only have to contend with 3 stop signs each loop.  If no one is around, I can do a rolling stop, thus avoiding jarring Gwen.  While this is expensive, if Gwen falls asleep while we are out and about, I would rather listen to my audiobook than wake her and deal with the cranky repercussions.  Plus, I have learned my way around Pittsburgh much better than Keith because of my exploratory driving.

2. Coffee - I used to be a Starbucks fiend.  I would go every day during college and pay my $3.25 rent for a table at which to study.  When I got to graduate school and realized that my stipend didn't stretch quite as far as I would like I decided to brew my own coffee at home.  I would sometimes go for months without Starbucks, and if I got Starbucks, I went with a friend for a relatively cheap get-together.  Since having a baby, the Starbucks runs have become more numerous.  When Gwen was only a couple of months old, she napped super well at Starbucks - I think it must have been the sound of blenders and espresso machines in the background that made her relax.  If I couldn't get her to calm down at home, we would go out for coffee.  Then, when Keith and I were selling our house and I had to leave during showings, I started frequenting Starbucks for a little activity to do before Gwen and I would circle the neighborhood for the remainder of the hour.  Since we have moved to Pittsburgh, I am just as sleep deprived as ever, and partake in a Starbucks beverage almost daily.  At this point I do it for two reasons.  1.) I am tired and operating heavy machinery, ergo I should at least be well caffeinated.  2.) I think I deserve a coffee treat for my hard work as a stay at home mommy.

3. Convenience foods - I enjoy cooking and baking from scratch.  However, I just don't have the time to do it anymore.  I want to set a good example for Gwen and cook real foods.  But sometimes those real foods come pre-chopped and packaged in small quantities.  I used to buy whole pineapples and cut them up myself.  I would make a giant fruit salad with melon, berries, etc.  Now I buy my fruit pre-cut because I know if I don't buy it that way I won't eat it at all.  I also buy pre-cut veggies, and frozen foods.  I think I have prepared and eaten more frozen foods since moving to Pittsburgh than I have in the nearly 5 years that Keith and I have been together prior to our move.  Also, I sincerely thought I would make all of Gwen's baby foods.  But I feel much less bad when she wastes a jar of Gerber food because she decides she no longer likes it than the pureed butternut squash that I painstakingly cooked instead of getting an extra hour of sleep.

4. Going out to eat - Keith and I have attempted to be frugal during our 3 years of marriage.  While doctors make good money, doctors in training do not.  We decided while we were dating that we would only rarely go out to eat and even more rarely go to the movies.  We have not been to a movie in over a year.  But we have been out to eat in the last couple of days.  Gwen loves people watching, when she is inconsolable I can't get a free moment to cook, so going out to eat is more of a 2 birds, 1 stone scenario.  On Tuesday, Gwen was cranky for most of the day.  She has had a cold since last week and is not handling it gracefully - however, Keith and I don't handle being sick too gracefully, so I can't say that I blame her.  I was fried by the end of the day, so Keith and I decided to go to Eat'n'Park (a restaurant that I have become familiar with since moving to the Burgh).  She was happy for the entire time we were there.  We sat next to the salad bar and she watched people come through and fill up their plates.  The waitress also gave her a free smiley cookie.  One of Gwen's fav places to go out to eat is Chipotle.  She is able to watch the patrons and the burrito preparers.  Plus, we get her a little cup of guacamole.

5. Activities - I try to find free activities.  We play in the mall play area, go window shopping (which sometimes turns into shopping shopping if we find a good deal), and play outside.  But you can only do those things so much when you have a baby that frequently demands new venues.  Because of this, I signed Gwen up for Gymboree.  It is $70 a month, but we are able to go and play there for 45 minutes to 2 hours 15 minutes every day, depending on the activities that they have available for her age group. She loves it!  I don't love the price tag, but I guess I am likely to spend that much in window shopping turning into shopping shopping if I spent all of that time shopping.  Plus, I'm pretty sure Gwen gets more out of Gymboree than shopping.  Recently, Keith and I have been considering a Carnegie Museums membership.  I have never considered a museum membership before.  I have never needed to.  If I wanted to go to a museum, I would go early in the day and stay the entire day to get my money's worth.  Gwen is generally done with an activity after just 1-2 hours and then decides it is time to sleep.  Now museum membership is a must.  I think we found a good deal, though: $150 for 4 museums for unlimited entry for the entire year.  They are really good museums too!  It's the natural history museum, the science museum, the Warhol museum, and the art museum.  In fact, it's cheaper to get a membership than it would be to visit all 4 museums and pay general admission, so I figure it is worth it.  Plus, she'll really like the dinosaur bones and science activities, I'm sure.

So having a baby has been expensive in unexpected ways.  At least we are getting out of the house and aren't being quite so cheap anymore.  Maybe we will be just as enriched by these experiences as Gwen.

Unexpected Lessons I Have Learned From Motherhood

I have learned several things since becoming a mother.  There were some things for which I was prepared (i.e. changing a large number of diapers) but some that completely blind sided me.  Here is a list of some of the things that I have learned:

1. In the hierarchy of toys, baby toys are at the bottom.  Here is a list of desirability of toys in descending order: electronics > trash > dog food > dog toys > baby toys.

2. My glasses will likely never be clean of greasy little fingerprints ever again.

3. Baby fingernails are the sharpest substance on the planet.

4. No matter how tightly I manage to tie my hair back into a pony tail to prevent hair pulling, Gwen somehow seems to grab the plastered back hair.  This results in both pain and a funny looking hair-do in which slicked back hair is interrupted by a mound that sticks up.

5. The thing you worry most about during pregnancy will be no problem, while something that was only an afterthought will become a battle.  I was so worried while pregnant that I would not be able to breastfeed.  Now I laugh about that since milk is Gwen's favorite thing.  She nurses 10-20 times a day and is a milk seeking missile.  I never really thought about diaper rash.  I had one tube of cream that I thought would last indefinitely.  I believe, however, that we have spent about $400 on diaper rash creams since G was born.

6. Gwen is able to expand her body volume several times its usual size at bedtime.  Or at least that's what it feels like at 2 in the morning when she somehow gets 50% of the bed while Keith and I share the other 50%.

7. My food is no longer my food.  My food is our food.  I will never again be able to sit down and enjoy a sandwich, fancy coffee drink, or ice cream without Gwen reaching for it and throwing a fit if I don't share.

8. My baby has more numerous and nicer clothes than me.  Additionally, I am usually walking around with some sort of baby body fluid on my clothes.

9. When you are able to sleep through an entire sleep cycle, you can conquer the world.

10. You can vacuum the entire floor, but baby will inevitably find the one area you missed and will proceed to eat whatever it is that she finds.  This endearing trait will also continue in public.  While shoe shopping 2 days ago, Gwen managed to find a package of silica gel that nearly made it into her mouth.  I pointed out that it said on the package not to ingest it, but she seemed unfazed and continued to reach for her prize.

11. Babies can get laryngitis from loud, long bouts of crying.

12. If your baby wants something she shouldn't have, don't give it to her.  I have made the mistake of giving Gwen my car keys.  While it probably isn't a big deal and calms her in the short run, eventually I have to take them away to drive the car.  Temporary appeasement turns into instant hysteria.

13. The more dangerous the activity, the more appealing it is.  Some of Gwen's favorite activities include, 1.) electrical cord rope climbing (ending in a lamp falling off the table on top of her), 2.) pulling herself up on mobile, collapsible objects, and 3.) pulling the charging cord from my computer and sticking the live end of the wire into her mouth.

14. The baby items that you had to have your child will hate, and the ones that you claimed you would never buy become a staple of daily living.  I was super excited by our stroller and thought Gwen and I would take daily walks.  She, however, likes air conditioning, and hates restraint systems.  While I am able to convince her to go on walks from time to time, it is usually in the luxury of a handmade baby sling, supplies costing about  $3, rather than in her $150 stroller.  I swore I would never buy a jumperoo or exersaucer.  I believe the word I used to describe them was eyesore.  But they were Gwen's favorite toys for a couple of months, and I was more than happy to litter my home with eyesores.

15. When outside, "greens" become much more desirable to babies than at the kitchen table.  I often find weeds, leaves and grass in Gwen's mouth.  I call it a yard salad.  Maybe she is demonstrating her adept skills at farming.

I will continue to expand this list.  If you have any unexpected lessons that you have learned, please share!